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herokuroki:

woodmeat:

chevy-raised-jack-daniels-fed:

merrymaudlin:

mercurykiss:

thugburrito:

My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%

NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.

It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.

An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.

So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.

My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.

I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..

What’s next pizza delivery hitmen

included in this order for a large ground beef is a dossier containing information on your target. he is to be neutralized before delivery. do not let him reach the airport. no pepperoni.

#dominosisgreat

agentwoshington:

agentwoshington:

ok but there was a bus filled with potatoes driving around my town today

image

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(via i-call-the-fun-danny)

things straight ppl say in movies

girl: what are you doing?

boy: something i should have done a long time ago

drewmichaelchadwicksbutt:

YOU KNOW YOURE IN TOO DEEP WHEN YOU PICTURE YOURSELF SNUGGLING IN BED NEXT TO THEM OR WHEN YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING FUN AND WISH THEY WERE THERE TO SHARE THAT MOMENT WITH YOU OR THE WORST IS WHEN YOU SEE SOMETHING AND THINK OH THEY WOULD LIKE THAT

(via minim1ght)

adriofthedead:

morganperreault:

the only way I’ll wake up early

japanese prank shows are on a whole other level

adriofthedead:

morganperreault:

the only way I’ll wake up early

japanese prank shows are on a whole other level

(via minim1ght)

Laverne Cox attends the 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards

(via chikkou)

terrakion:

mastubation is just having sex with the person you love the most

(via herokuroki)

themomerath:

Can we talk about how on point this tweet is

(via i-want-the-d--avid-tennant)

orgasmictipsforgirls:

is there any greater turn-on than the sound of the last remaining person leaving the house

(via orgasmictipsforgirls)